this static..
unsettling, irritating.
uncomfortably humming outward..
it's a need that won't go away.
i don't want this
i don't need this
i hate this.
the once content feeling shatters into pieces
this will change everything
new ambitions, new directions, new goals..
all with more uncertainty..
people will fight, attempt to dissuade, to persuade me to go back..
it's too late now..
sacrifices must be made
the loss will have meaning
it will be worth it.
He is first.
Nothing else comes close to comparison.
materials fade with time, people grow old and die.
He remains. God is forever eternal.
How can anything compare to Him?
exactly, nothing earthly can.
I gave Him my heart.
..it is in HIS hands and i need to work on this relationship
first.
...i was such a fool.
now you will suffer for it.
I love you truly! only as a friend.
you, who was always there for me, when i needed help.
you are like a brother to me
I am not the one for you.
you deserve someone who will give you their best
I've given you limited affection.
this relationship is based on the possibility, the what if;
i
Through the heart. Sinking into the soul. To me.
this poison of icky hate and regret seeps into my lungs.
running through the bloodstream,
effects are crippling.
Sour heart. Tainted soul. Infected me.
this acidic sludge is a longtime killer,
ravaging the body inside out.
A drop in the beginning, gradually turning deadly.
A scar that never healed really,
manifesting into something much worse actually.
Darkened heart. Bleak soul. Dead me.
It's a blur with bits of silver and red poking through.
losing track of days..
going through life in a haze..
constant feeling of fatigue,
ready to drown in a sea of sleep.
lost in a shade of endless grey.
There are no sounds. There is only complete silence.
The end is not triumphant or glorious, it is simply
empty. Nothing at all.
writhing on the floor, curled into the fetal position,
waiting for it to stop..
this lasts for awhile...
the realization that no one is there
is a wasted thought.
THERE IS NO ONE
frenzied emotions laid bare..
a mess on the floor..
A mess of fear, hatred, and anxiety ruining the carpet.
tears fall like rain,
staining my clothes.
The abyss swallows me into oblivion..
my demise is all over the walls.
it's a mess.
sinking deeper into the depths below,
uselessly struggling to keep afloat
i
Humming. Buzzing in this brain that is
unrelenting and refusing to leave the scene.
Ghosts are here and they want to break free
out of the psyche and into reality.
Their whispers float in these ears
unclear, yet they reveal
What's been known all along
The former self is gone
A new being is in place
unknown to others, new in this space.
Senses and outlook is refined
parameters and goals are confined.
Boundaries are where this can grow
to gain knowledge that is unknown.
Events have been set into motion
no one knows where this will go.
As far as anyone percieves,
nothing is out of the ordinary.
Lost:
nip nip nip. piece by piece. Another fragment is lost again. to the depths to madness. get farther away from me. The puzzle that was once whole is now a shredded picture that is too ripped to fix again.
To even try to put the pieces back together would just be a wasted effort. A way to waste time, i suppose. But I'd prefer to just fall apart. To lose myself bit by bit is better than being imperfectly whole.
It's all a lie really. Underneath the cool facade, i'm truly a wreck. I'm not as collected as i seem.
Deception is second nature to me. along with lying and manipulation. Eh, you think you know me? please,
you don't know a damn
Here we go...
You're a failure! Get out of my sight! *sigh, grumble* love you too mom. Using the same words, yet again mother?
pathetic..
It's really of no use anymore.
I get it. really i do.
I'm a failure. I ruin everything. I make your life harder..jeez..i get it..i'm a virus.
One question though? why do you tolerate me then? love? because i'm your child?
hmph. If i was in your position, i would've taken action..walking away. love ya!
Dad's just a child really. A man who i consider a brother instead of my father.
Disappointing, to say the least.
Until he acts like a father, i'll give him that respect and treat him like one. un
I. The original: Taylor
Sweet, caring, and quiet. It was the way i used to be. I used to care about everyone and be sweet to all..and actually care about every little worksheet in school. I am the original. I was the dominant for 15 years. I experienced everything. But because of one person leaving me, it broke me.
Nii-sama
At the time, i was weak. I had no backbone, and no sense of self. So i dealt with it in my own way- not dealing with it. So i just let someone else take over. At the time, i thought it was simple. Now i realize i was horribly wrong.
II. Yachiru-chan
Hello!!!! I love you!!!! I'm sweet, lovable and very happy!!! Now